It seems as if the sight of half-starved women, who look more like broomsticks than humans is having a detrimental effect on the egos of women the world over.

Especially to those whose shape is more Michelin Man than mop handle.

I for one applaud this more. They say beauty is only skin deep, not bone deep.

Let’s face it over the years the fashion world has been deceiving the self-conscious and vain to the point that apparently the only way a woman can look attractive is to throw up every time they eat as much as a cream cracker and buy an expensive dress that looks more like a cross between a potato sack and a empty packet of salt and vinegar chips.

Of course you have to be fairly stupid to buy into the great con of fashion, but even the stupid need saving from time to time.

The same can be said of those unfortunate football fans who believe that their game is in good shape and in good hands.

Take the tremendous efforts of the All Whites out of the equation and it is sad to say that the latest World Cup has been a disappointing affair indeed.

Like the world’s catwalks that were once abundant with models that didn’t look like they live on a diet of birdseed and kitty litter, football was a beautiful thing.

At times we have all been privileged to see such skill on the field one has to wonder if the only reason William Webb-Ellis picked up the ball and ran with it was because his footwork made him look like a total idiot.

Football was once a game abundant with skilful, courageous players who possessed the balance to withstand the aggressive attentions of would-be defenders. The player of yesteryear was the inventor of the beautiful game.

Sadly, like a malnourished model, too many of today’s players have become unattractive.

Creation has given way to deception and with referees allowing prima donnas to get away with diving and falling over like spoilt brats in order to gain a free-kick or penalty, the ability to create passages of brilliant play is now secondary to acts of trickery.

The All Whites have been one of the few teams that did not partake in this appalling behaviour, and for that New Zealanders can be proud. Unfortunately, some devious Italians made sure Ryan Nelson’s lads were amongst the victims of yet another great soccer swindle.

With players fitter, faster and more technically astute than ever before; not to mention better defensive systems and boots, balls and playing surfaces vastly improved scoring chances have become difficult to manufacture. Hence the proliferation of the dramatics the game is now polluted with.

For the sake of the squeamish and pathetic rugby turned its back on the tried and tested method of committing players to the breakdown and thus creating space for back to work in unencumbered with league-like defences.

The greatest irony in that was rucking caused both only minor and minimal injuries.

Compared that to today’s breakdown where players are forced to bend over grasping for the ball in a manner that is both unbalanced and leaves them vulnerable to collisions they can’t see coming.

Turning its back on rucking has created congestion and stifled creativity. Football does not normally see areas of mass congestion, however with the improvements in player fitness and skill the ability to create space on the pitch is becoming more difficult.

It’s up to coaches, players and the game as a whole to come up with new means of producing goal-scoring opportunities that don’t rely on theatrics.

Waiting till extra-time is over and embarking on one of the biggest shams in sport, the penalty shoot-out, is not the answer.

This lottery does not reflect the game as a whole and as such is not a fair way to win or lose a match. If the modern player is so fit then run them until a goal has been scored or in extra time, drop a player off each side every three minutes and play ‘golden goal’.

At least this would see the game decided playing the game, albeit slightly abridged, rather than teams embarking on a hit and hope venture.

FIFA has been too slow, and it appears unwilling, to admit this fault in the game. This is all entwined with their reluctance to use technology to confirm such things as off-sides, goals scored and other such things referees don’t always adjudicate correctly.

Recently FIFA boss, Sepp Blatter, has apologised to England and Mexico for the substantial refereeing blunders that affected them at the tournament.

Nice to hear administrators say sorry, but it would be better to have people in charge of sport who have the vision to put steps in place earlier so that apologies are not necessary.

Let’s not forget that it was only in March this year that Blatter said he was against the use of technology in Football. His turnaround reeks of yet another fish-head embarking on a course of saving his hide.

The use of technology will only help the game but let’s hope it is used for more than confirming goals are scored legally. The divers and the penalty-milking fairy’s need to be caught on camera, heavily fined and suspended to change the negative behaviour.

One thing FIFA can’t be blamed for at this World Cup is the noise pollution that is the vuvuzela.

After the justifiable anger directed at cricket’s bosses for banning musical instruments at the Cricket World up hosted by the West Indies, preventing the locals from blowing their horns would not have been a good look.

Such a shame a nation with the capacity to produce mass singing us tone deaf Kiwis would die for wastes its vocal chords blowing into a cheap plastic horn.

What’s next - The Welsh playing “Land of Our Fathers” on a Kazoo?

Like Australian catwalks that are going to see more substantial shapes on them in the future, Football needs a few helpful additions.

If Football continues to live in the fantasy world that it is to pure to need improving then like a bulimic model it will throw up the chance to become truly beautiful.

Let’s hope the game has the stomach to face up to its flaws and deal with them.

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